I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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