what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
