The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
