i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
