You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
