I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
