Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
