I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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