Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
