Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
