Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
