why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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