Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
