It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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