I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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