I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
