there was a trapeze. enough said
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
