Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
