I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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