What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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