Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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