So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
