I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
