i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
