is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
