She went from zero to smokin in five shots
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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