positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
