I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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