I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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