problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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