So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Drake has all the answers
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
