The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A+ Viking dick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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