Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
