someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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