At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
