Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
