I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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