1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
