I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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