you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
