All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
