I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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