You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You need Xanax blowdarts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
