if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
