thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
