just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
