my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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