then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
