sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
