You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
