I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Enjoy the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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