they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
