I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
