just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
