The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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