Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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