mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
