I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
