My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my phone needs a breathalizer
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
