i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
