I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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